My olive branches have returned with sweet forgiveness, I have found grace yet again. Distance that I allowed, grudges I held, disappeared at the stroke of a key. I sent messages, asking for a fresh start, apologizing for a lack of honesty in my relationships, not confronting hurts and holding onto events instead of people. I discovered it was really quite easy. Why hadn’t I done this before? What changed? My pastor’s sermon on fractured relationships has rocked me to the core. I feel convicted to look at who I need to forgive. I feel a need to restore rather than sit in my loneliness, listing hurts. Friends have reappeared, connections reestablished. I feel lighter and fuller at the same time.
I picked the easier ones, the safe ones. I still have work to do. I am stalling on some big hurts, some seriously broken bonds. I’m not convinced, even with this success, that I am ready to forgive and be forgiven. Maybe every friendship doesn’t need resurrected, just examined, forgiven and set free. The challenge is to really complete that process, without the accountability of interaction with the other party. I can say I have forgiven, I can say I have let it go, but to do so truly without ruminating or remembering is just too human of me. I need God’s grace. I need forgiveness for my slow forgiving heart. Becoming honest about brokenness in relationships is scary, risky. Safer to sit alone, sure of my righteousness. I need a nudge and a push and the reminder of the cross. Thankfully I find that example constantly in my day. Next up to discover my courage.