New beginnings come after endings. I hear all the cliches like a drum beat, keeping time, running through my mind, fighting for space with the anger and shock. This too shall pass. Be careful what you wish for. Last night the shock cushioned us from the worst of it, allowed us to take in the loss in bits, to wonder again and again if it were real. Today, the anger is winning out. Now I am filled with such deep rage, such horror at the injustice that my breath is ragged, my hands shake.
Timing. I try to focus on God amidst this latest onslaught, see that while trauma was coming, God readied our hearts to be back within the walls and arms of his people. He nudged our feet to follow Him back in so that they were firmly planted within the faith. The faith that all things will bring glory to Him. We are where we will be surrounded, cocooned, protected. But how do we start our lives again? We just keep talking about the timing.
I keep hearing the verse “Be still and know that I am God.” No rash decisions. No sudden movements. The exhaustion is starting to take hold, day 2 and we are weary. We are now accepting all donations of prayer. Prayer for strength , guidance, for healing from broken hearts. We are asking for respect and privacy. We are asking for the angels to sing songs of hope. We are going to be still and listen.