Ready to Go

Sitting on my brother and sister-in-law’s deck, looking at the moon, the heavens for one last morning before we depart for our adventure, I am filled with anticipation. I wonder what the heavens will show me in each state we visit. I am prepared to be amazed at God’s majesty. I need some majesty about now.

I haven’t been blind to the small wonders around me. Life with a 5 year old who shares my love of nature ensures I get hourly doses of God’s creations. “Gran, You are going to delight in this,” is a common phase to pull me from the dishes to see an interesting spider or a newly discovered flower. We take our nature seriously, we inspect our bugs, we hold them,  learn the names of all that we find. We don’t kill things. My Plum looks daily at the plants growing in our little kitchen garden, ones he put in as seeds and knows God really did the work. I see the small miracles everywhere, I still have the eyes of a child to remind me. Yet life as an adult means I have weights and worries that sometimes cloud those eyes. I need some majesty.

I am leaving in just a couple of hours on the back of my brother’s Harley for a two-week trip to Colorado. This leap of faith looks a bit more like chaps and a helmet, sitting for hours, trusting, so much trusting. While my body must stay put, my mind can wander, wonder, absorb. I have much time for thinking, a rarity. I need this time alone to hear my God whisper and roar and show me big stuff. The empty places, carved out with hurt and disappointment, simmering anger and tension, have been cleaned, cauterized, the bleeding has stopped. I am aching now for a new thing. To be filled again with wonder, to feel so close to God nothing can separate us. I need to get to the mountains, to see the stars and the heavens, giving all of me to the One who is waiting.

I know I can find Him here, I am beyond blessed to find Him here. He is present in friends who reach out, in food delivered, walks taken with Janet. I know I carry Him with me because He carries me. Still, this trip is about more than a crazy adventure at age 52. In the going, I am also leaving behind my Chef. This is his time alone, time to find and reflect, to shout out his agony when no one can hear. Time for him to search his soul, find himself amidst the rubble. He is strong but has forgotten that. He is a child of God but is unsure what that means for him. He is worthy but hasn’t absorbed that fully. I will be praying fervently that his time alone sheds light on God’s grace, brings him into a deeper closer relationship as well. He will be responsible for the 5 year old while I am gone. He will have the choice to seek God in the small miracles around Him and delight in those. Sometimes a spider is just a spider, we have a choice. He needs the eyes of a child to begin filling up with the small joys around him while I am ready for majesty.

Please pray for our safety but more importantly, pray that our hearts are open to what God brings to us during this adventure. Flowers or mountains, God will be seen if we choose to look. The road may get rough but surely the view is worth it.

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